And so the Lion Fell in Love With the Lamb
There was something about her, something that caught my eye. She stood there with a gazed look in her eye, her long brown hair draping her shoulders. It was as if she was a porcelain doll that had come to life.
I stood there mesmerized by her beauty. A beauty so overwhelming that it is hard to capture in words. Every curve of her body was caressed by the red silk dress she wore and her blue eyes were like pure crystal that they glistened across the room. There was no way that I could approach her. My body trembled with the fear of rejection. I tried to stand as close to her as I possible just to hear her soft spoken voice, but the noise that filled the room was unbearable.
There I stood next to the most beautiful sight I had ever seen, unable to speak a word, or to hear anything because of the utter chaos that was going on in the room around me. The room was dark, with tapestry covering the grey stone walls, and I could barely see the crimson drapes that hung on the window in front of me. I felt like a bee in a swarm of people as we all gathered (nearly forty of us) to hear the mysterious tale of the building we’d be exploring. The more and more I paid attention the further this beautiful girl slipped away from me.
One moment, she stood next to me, the next she was down the hall disappearing into the darkness. I felt so alone and helpless without having her near me. It was as if I were an infant and my mother left me on the front step of a church crying hysterically. I tried to push my way through the crowd of people, but the closer I got to her the more her presence faded.
Suddenly, my heart began racing. From one beat to the next I could feel my heart slowly sink to the pit of my stomach. The girl whom I was falling for had slipped from my hands, and my soul felt like a barren desert wasteland. It felt like I was punched in the stomach in more ways than one, like a force was holding me back from her.
The more I tried to move down the never-ending hallway the harsher the pain had gotten. I thought to myself, "Is this girl worth all the pain I am enduring?" The pain got more intense, it felt as if some outside force had gone into my abdomen and twisted my intestines. I could feel myself being ripped apart from the inside out as I fell on to the floor. There was something…something terribly wrong.
I could feel someone or something slowly whisper in my ear that everything would be okay. I looked around me and there was no one. There was no longer anyone surrounding me. I was left alone only to see the gargoyles that cascaded the walls staring blankly at me.
I could not take my hand from my stomach; the pain was so unbearable. I looked down because I felt dampness, as I lifted my hand it was saturated in blood. I could not stop myself from thinking "Oh my God! I'm dying…I'm going to die here alone."
The more I thought about the girl I had fallen in love with the more the blood came protruding out of my abdomen. I didn't know what to do. I slowly began to rise from the floor, trying to make my way down the hall and some force from behind me pushed me forward . It was like being hit by a sixteen wheeler from behind.
As I flew forward all I could see was darkness and images of my life floating before me; images of the bitter emptiness I had felt for years. The pain I went through with my dead-beat drunken father beating me day in and day out. The prostitute of a mother that I had, that misguided my understanding of respect for females. Then finally images of the girl I had laid eyes upon; the girl who would take away my worries and pain.
With these scattered images floating about and being shoved forward, I came to a halt, and what lay ahead of me was the most horrific thing I had ever seen in my life. My dream girl, the one with whom I had laid eyes upon a few moments prior was being mutalated before my eyes. She was cut with a razor sharp blade several times leaving the markings of a hex across her chest. I looked around searching to fight off this person, only to see that no one was there. With every look at my loves unresponsive body the more enraged I got.
As I reached my hand forward to caress her face and kiss her soft lips I noticed that my hands were now covered in blood. What had happened? God, did I do something wrong? All of the sudden I felt my chest pull outward and felt my soul soar above my body. My soul and body were now separate. My conscious mind was now peering down at my body which appeared to be in an erect comatose state. As I looked down toward my body I heard myself say "Dies Irae." I had no clue what this meant, but I could tell you it was Latin. I felt my soul soar as if it were trying to defeat the demon that had now possessed my body.
I saw my now possessed body move quickly down the darkened hallway. The only things to provide light to the hallway were the candelabra's. My eyes were glaring with rage as my body got closer and closer to the people who were initially surrounding me. My demon possessed body entered the pipe organ room at the end of the hallway. The room painted in the palest of white and the wooden floor creaked as you walked across it. My body had made itself known. "My name is Lived" he said sternly. All the chatter that was going about in the room ceased.
People were now trembling at the sight of my demon possessed body. It was as if they knew something was going on. They knew that something terrible was going to come out of this. The porcelain white walls had suddenly become blood stained as blood came trickling out of each crack. "Lived" lifted his hands and pronounced "Dies Irae" again.
Each person in the room looked blankly at one another in shock, they could not believe what was happening. Someone whispered…"Does anyone know what he is saying?" Slowly the whisper was passed around the room, and the whisper came to a halt when Father George yelled out "He's saying The Day of Wrath. He's speaking Latin." The room hushed as "Lived" began speaking in tongues. His eyes drawn outward from his face as if they were to pierce every human soul in the room, the walls began to shake, and people began running toward any outlet they could find.
"God, help us!" they all screamed as they were running away. You could hear the whispered prayers of people as they began to flee the area of "Lived", but as soon as they began their prayers the voices were silenced. "Lived" had taken the power of verbal prayer away from them. The room was filled with the sound of stomping feet, like a heard of wild animals fleeing a predator. Then it came to a stop, all those who were running fell to the ground.
Solastalgia on Refuse: A Journal of Iconoclasms
3 years ago
